2.5 on the Wright Track This site is dedicated to all of the monthly dealings of our life and world as a new mother and culturally connected family.

I found Facebook. I did. I am in it to win it. I even figured out how to add photos and link to Photobucket and stuff. It's great. I love it.

Updates:
1-Had the baby, 9 lbs 10 oz at the beginning of August. She's awesome.
2-Found some awwwsome blogs (www.thepioneerwoman.com & www.dooce.com)
3-Ford Focus was too small for a postpartum woman and three children. Moved into a mid-size
4-We now have a gigantic dog, born on Xmas, now weights 50 lbs of mysterious St. Dane magic
5-I am going to commit to getting back into my classes for BSBM

35 weeks and 4 days into the pregnancy. I am hoping for an early deliver but with a scheduled c-section on August 6th I will be lucky to hobble into the hopsital in a few weeks. My bouncy baby girl is breech and I think she's practicing her leg extensions. She likes to rest on my tailbone and elbow me like we're going after rebounds...good times.

My beautiful wonderful friend is going to pick up a crib for me at IKEA and from there I am ready to deliver and begin healing the gouging gap in my abdomen...wish me luck ladies. Pictures of the last 3d sonogram will be posted when I can find the most recent cd.

I think I've fallen in love with my first child all over again. He slept right against my skin last night. He had his head underneath my chin and his arm on my face for the first five minutes. I can't help but love everything about him.

I'm waiting to get to the place where I don't want to cry or scoop him up every time he does something amazing or makes me well up because I've helped bring a wonderful person into the world. Even writing this I feel so proud of him and so sappy because he's the best thing in my life. He makes me laugh now. He's trying to NOT take me seriously when I tell him no...and he loves to play hide & seek. Over the weekend he started going ahead of me and peeking around a corner to surprise me.

We are approaching potty training time. I've done a little reading and I think we're going to go with the potty chair toys and before/after bedtime to start with. I've signed up for free sample pull ups just to introduce the concept and move into shorties next month. My friend does potty treats but I think we'll just work on the concept and getting some time on the potty under our belts.

He knows I'm having a baby. He knows where the baby is and will rub every now and then to show me where the baby is. After the potty concept I think we'll move onto getting him into his own bed...don't know if I'm ready for that but it's going to be two short months before his sister is here.

“Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

Bruce Lee

I wished my mom a happy mother's day. I made a pot roast and we spent the day gardening, my son and I. My four year old wanted to spend the night with his brothers and sister so I let him go to my mother's for the evening. It was really nice, melancholy but nice.

My son's dad sent me a text message with mother's day wishes. I told him to leave me alone. He made me the mother of two children he didn't want so I don't want to hear ANYTHING from him. I was really emotional over it, I was angry and ashamed by it. He made me feel like he was feeling sorry for me.

So naturally I started to feel sorry for me. I thought about how great my first mother's day was. How we woke up early and ate breakfast together, how my son's dad found a card for the day and we went to his mom's for dinner. It was almost normal and like he meant it. I loved it. I miss it. I am pretty stunned by the broken family I have. A part of me wishes I could walk away like he's able to, but I know a part of me would die. My son needs me and I can't imagine not having him close enough to me to comfort him. But on the other hand I am going to have my hands full with another child and I don't know how I'm going to do it.

My seventh month has begun and I'm beginning to plan for delivery and wondering how to fit in a few miles each day before picking up the kids and getting them home for dinner after working a ten hour day. I've begun planning my leave around the FMLA and what's available to us. I'm considering taking the time to bond with my new baby then passing the responsibility to the dad after I am out of leave. He can do the full time care and we will see how things work out.

When I was eight months pregnant I had a moment of terror realizing that I lived alone and I would end up having to drive myself to the hospital if I kept doing what I was doing. My family lived about fifteen minutes away and I was about two miles from the hospital-it was a very likely scenario. Did I want to be that tough? Did I want to process the birth of my son by myself and labor alone? Did I hate his dad enough to keep him away from the moment he came into the world? I didn't want to be this angry person. I wanted my son to have everything I never knew and what I felt was right for him. He needed his dad. So I called him one evening crying and demanding that he choose what family he wanted. His immediate family of adults or me and his soon to be born baby. I don't know the circumstances, but he came to live with me until the baby was born and it lasted for five months. He wasn't "ready" to be a dad and was doing as much as he could to live without the reality of our life. I let him and I was very miserable. I'm miserable thinking about it all now.

In this moment, being a mother is learning to survive. I'm learning how to meet the needs of two young boys and accept the direction my life is taking. This isn't what I want or something I ever imagined happening. I thought we were going through a phase and we were growing into better people. I feel like I'm a better person, just ignore the gaping gash across my face and know that it won't be so obvious in a few more months...or the baby will be cute enough to draw your attention, not it's emotionally unstable mother.

Mother's day is a learning experience. I see it growing and changing every year...this year it happened to be another day.

"Like the sands through the hour glass. These are the days of our lives."

My son's dad had a mini temper tantrum last night in a room full of his family. He was upset with me and decided to comment on my mothering skills, or lack of, at an inappropriate time. I was mad, I was hurt, I realized how unhappy I am with this man and this life I have with him. He left this afternoon with little notice from his son. He said he wasn't happy with me and hasn't been for a long time but there is no real way to talk about it because it's so uncomfortable.I had a mini melt down last night.

"How am I gonna take care of three kids by myself?"

"How will I afford to take care of three kids and a home on my hourly job?"

"Why did I not realize the barn was burning instead of assuming someone was burning toast?"

I cried myself to sleep on the couch last night, my baby contracted and kicked like we were playing a game, and it just kept raining outside. Good thing someone remembered to turn the heat up.

"How am I going to remember to turn the heat up!"

I'm sad that I thought I was growing into a relationship with someone and having children that made me happy. He was here to take care of his son. Now with another baby on the way I'm not sure how I'm going to manage my children, and my dog, and my credit cards, and finish school while I work full time. I'm six months pregnant and I have a prenatal appointment in the morning, I have to travel about 350 miles away to have my baby naturally so I can get back on my feet right away. Good thing I live close to my family. Good thing I have two sisters and a lot of gay friends and a few reliable female friends.

I know this is happens to a majority of the American population but I honestly thought this wasn't how my life was going to turn out. I thought my children would have parents. Two parents who loved each other and were affectionate and wanted their children to know that they were loved every day. I know I love my son, but living with this person, under these circumstances for the past two years has been really stressful. I'm melancholy.

Did I mention I ripped five feet of willows out of my yard? Yeah, I did that. Over the past two days I went crazy and cut and piled willows outside my dining room windows and it was exillirating. It helped that there was a few days of light rain that helped me pull rotten branches out of the ground but now I have a flower bed with five hours of direct sunlight! I found a few rose bushes and I think I'll rake the rest and see what sort of soil we have underneath and start some tulip bulbs back there. I thought about iris plants this year but it's going to be interesting.

I am due at the end of July so I am trying to get as much done while I still have some mobility. My life is taking a drastic turn and all I can do is hang on to my kids and pray that it's going to straighten out. I can't say that I've ever loved anyone blindly, but I can say that I've been coping with the life I thought I was given. My son deserves a father, and my nephew deserves to have a role model that respects him and understands what teaching him is going to take work. I am going to learn how to do this.

Stay tuned, prenatal appointment in the morning and hopefully a visit to the specialist next month to schedule our induction date of delivery.

My son is 18 months old and needs his "mama" but I'm having a hard time meeting his needs and he is pissed.

I also take care of my four year old nephew, and he's seen worse so he rolls with the flow. Oh yeah, I'm six months pregnant and I've begun to reach my emotional limit with a crying child and a four year old who doesn't really care what I ask of him. I am losing my mind. I can't even prepare a meal without my toddler underfoot or wanting to be picked up for a better view. I've been reminded of including both boys in the cooking process to get everyone involved, but it seems like so much more work to make the task like play time than to actually do it. I'm hungry, they're hungry, we want to eat now. NOW!

The toddler's dad, not my husband and not really my boyfriend-lives with us but he's been out of town for the past week and we've all been adjusting to not having him around. He works a lot and we're not really a family so we don't get to know what his travel schedule is like until it's time for him to go. I don't condone it, but there's really not a lot for me to negotiate in this area because it would require me to care enough about him to want him around and I don't know how to feel about asking him to be in my space that much yet. I use to like him a lot and we use to get along really well but it's a different ball game and I am taking care of our son and carrying another baby of his. Yay me.

I don't care eithe way at this point, I've done most of the work for both kids and it's frustrating and I'm a cranky mother, but it's getting done. Baths are taken, food is eaten, naps are administered, and a whole lot of television is being watched because of the weather. The weather is another whammy for me. I don't think my babies do well with the weather during pregnancies. This baby is wedged against my hip bone and my rib so it's squirming and tryng to sleep while also punching and trying to roll over. This happens about five or six times a day, it's not as painful as it was the first time around. With a full bladder it's a different story. I'm kinda over carrying the crying toddler and trying to make it to the bathroom.

Why doens'st anyone tell you the truth about the ruthlessness of motherhood? You don't get to sleep, you live on kid leftovers, and you learn to resent laundry. A friend of mine just bought a new washer and dryer set and that would be something to help eliviate the resentment but not for long in my case. Washing, drying, folding, and putting away...it's a chain reaction of loathing. I loathe laundry and washing dishes. Those are my downfalls. I don't mind cleaning a tub so my kids can get in and have a sudsy time. I don't mind cleaning a food coated child, I don't even mind changing diapers, it's just the laundry that gets me every time.

I've also discovered that I'm a yeller. Yeah, I yell at my kids. Not at the top of my lungs, but to the point that they don't even give me a second look or pay attention to what I'm saying anymore. There is no fear of me or what ever comes out of my mouth. Just a blank, open-mouthed stare and back to whatever they were doing before I interrupted. I've become the baby sitter.

Except this is one job I will never be able to quit. This is one job I can't walk away from...and it makes me cry. I cried last night while putting my son to sleep that he actually sat up with his water bottle and watched me. What an awful memory to give him but I honestly couldn't do it anymore. I was tired, full of leftover banannas, chicken & rice and wasn't prepared for a full work week. The only two clean items of clothing I'm wearing are socks and a pair of underwear. I don't even have a decent place to store the clothes that are clean. I can't even use the closet space I've committed to myself because there is moving clutter everywhere still. I get home from work, make a snack for the kids, change toddler diaper, take snowy shoes and coats off, then use the potty myself. Turn on the television, carry toddler to a close proximity to the kitchen then start making dinner. We're lucky if we can finish dinner and bathe by 8:00 p.m.

I would like to work four days of ten hours, but I have two small boys and a baby sitter (my mother) who has a hard time condoning leaving my children with a baby sitter from the time the sun is up until it's down. Not good for the kids and not good for the unborn baby. I'm not on my feet all day but it's the scenario that doesn't sit well with her. She is right in some sense but I know this is the pattern of so many families right now. I am very lucky. I know  there are families out there with no support system or immediate family to rely up to get through the day with. My friend has two children who are either in school or in day care for the day, it's a nice pattern but hard to stay on top of. One sick kid and the plan is out the window...I am greatful to not be walking that tightrope.

Any suggestions?

I am trying to post a short video of my child at 20 weeks of age.

And it worked...carring a baby is amazing. It's even more amazing with my two boys. The oldest is waiting for a "sister" and the toddler doesn't know what's going on, other than the fact that he can no longer wrap his legs around my waist and I sleep with a pillow in front of my stomach to block the kicks he delivers in the middle of the night.

See those hands...those are the father's fingers, my short stubby numbers were never that elegant looking. As the parents, we've decided to wait out the gender. We want to be surprised and we're willing to shop last minute for outfits this little human will need.

RESULTS: VBAC is a go. Induction is a possibility, a five hour drive to the nearest hospital to induce my labor is a requirement. I cannot wait to be able to hold my baby as soon as it's born.

We are going out of state to meet with a Maternal-Fetal doctor to determine our chances at a VBAC, the procedure would basically give me the opportunity to deliver my second child naturally as opposed to surgery. I have done my research and based on the size of the baby and my determination to have more than 3 children I think my chances are pretty good.

We are going out of town and taking our son with us. While on the trip we plan to discuss some long term options and day care for both of our children to be together in one location. My loving mother takes care of our son, she lives no more than three minutes from my office and has her hands full. She is very uncomfortable with our decision to look into daycare options for the children but her health isn't great and she's not mobile enough to keep track of a two year old and a six month old. Hell, I'm barley able to wrap my head around the fact that I'll have two children to care for. Two children, that means when their dad is on travel I'm home alone with two small children to care for.

Oh yeah, I take care of my four year old nephew as well. We're going to have three children and a dog...thus the name of the blog...I know, I'm clever.

Any VBAC moms out there? Willing to share your story of trauma and your experience...considering you were either knocked out or numb and too high to realize that your child was just removed from your body and all you have to show is a bikini line scar that-like me-you really can't see yet.

p.s. we have a nice snow storm going on here.